On Being “Insecure” and Shit

People are really, ACTUALLY curious about my thoughts on stuff – someone tell me why?  I’m curious to know.  People’s interest in my two cents seemingly pertains to everything – from social climate, the Rockets chances this year, which J’s I’m passing on, the events leading up to the Cuban Missile Crisis, to guy/girl interpersonal relationships and exchanges…ESPECIALLY guy/girl interpersonal relationships and exchanges.  What’s up with that?  Well, to that point, people expressed some interest in knowing my thoughts on the goings-on within “Insecure.”  Before I go any further, a couple of things:  I took this to the blog so that I can be the more unfiltered version of myself, so try not to take offense to  anything I say or how I say it.  Also, I’m a ‘moral-ed’ pragmatist, so understand that’s the lens from which I see things – think “big on ethics, but steeped in realism and vehicles focused on reaching the greater good (or lesser evil).”  And given how the internet lost its collective shit over the show, I watched knowing and waiting for some type of prisoner’s dilemma moment, maybe even with an idea of what it would be.  It’s soooo hard to watch/read/encounter anything “cold” with the interwebs and all.  Now that that’s settled…

Ok, first episode or two I just KNEW Lawrence was a bullshit type-ass nigga, like the type that ain’t never really been worth shit, but was charismatic enough and worth enough of a shit to bullshit his way into a good relationship situation – decent enough looking girl – someone physically and “resume-wise” good enough to keep you from turning into the full bummy version of yourself, but not so intimidatingly awesome that her aura makes you all introspective and shit, forcing willingly “meh” niggas to give leveling up an actual, real-life thought.  I didn’t feel like this after a couple episodes though.  The funny thing is that I actually think Issa is that bullshit type person (more to come on her later).  Let me quickly say that I think Lawrence is a hella flawed “good guy.”  It took him almost (and for a hot minute he emotionally did) losing his girl to even make a bullshit effort to right the ship.  In fact, it came off more as damage control than authentic, organic improvement.  Like lots of niggas, he has lots of potential, but he’s in that 1/3 life point where guys sometimes struggle with graduating from potential to actually delivering, particularly realizing everyone’s evolving expectations and balking.  Women, hell society at-large, have completely different expectations for those two guys, as they should, though I can’t say it’s not a little challenging to realize you can’t skate on potential/store-bought flowers/CVS teddy bears/Applebee’s/Polo Sport and unsubstantiated, lofty dreams any longer.  

For what it’s worth, Issa seems like she’s also going through a 1/3 life crisis.  From a man’s perspective, those for women are different, maybe even exaggerated.  From my perspective, they seem to center around a few things – “fish or cut bait niggas,” wanting something real, determining what makes something real, “is this it?” was love supposed to feel different – that type of stuff.  So here’s the thing: all things equal, I think Lawrence and Issa are almost mirrored…two people at that precipice stage who don’t have a fucking clue.  I just feel like Issa really sucks at working through her no fucking clueness and Lawrence sucks less.  Kinda off-topic but relatedly, I think there’s a difference between hitting a rough patch and not being worth shit – it’s situational vs. characteristic.  Little things made me question and ultimately change the way I viewed Lawrence – he had money saved up, is working with a headhunter and one could reasonably infer that he has a few career wins.  He def slid from rough patch to funk and Issa understandably struggled with that shit, but still.  Here’s some of that pragmatist showing; I struggle MIGHTILY with women and what I perceive to be ambiguity.  Faced with whatever I think is ambiguous, I just move around.  The sucky thing is that it might not be ambiguous at all – clear communication lacks, I form my own assumptions and act accordingly, i.e. deuces.  Lawrence comes off similarly – not that he disengages, but that clear communication – actual words – would help like a MF.  Wait…maybe I’m like Issa???  <just not the end result being smashing another woman while in a committed relationship>

Lawrence/Issa thoughts done, now random thoughts:

Was Issa not telling Lawrence straight out that she f’d Daniel the thing to do? – Lovely and I watched “Insecure” together and we paused between a few episodes to unpack and question each other – this came up.  Pausing for a good minute, I was like, “yeah, as a man it’s pretty much a wrap once you find out your lady slept with another dude – we don’t take that shit too well.”  On some pragmatic shit, the desired outcome and destination is marriage (a happy marriage?) and telling Lawrence would dead that.  If she wasn’t gonna do it again AND would dead entertaining Daniel, the vehicle to get to marriage would have to be a fucked up lie.  Of course the danger is it coming out later, which those types of things tend to do.

Any problems with Lawrence hitting old girl? – Not really.  I didn’t find an ethical problem with it.  Again, once a person makes it clear that it’s over (which to me his keys on the counter and all his stuff moved out said) they’re free to do whatever – Issa could’ve done the same.  Timing was questionable though…definitely “spite sex but not really.”

Would I approach Daniel if I were Lawrence? – I’m not one for approaching other niggas about my lady, but appreciated the way Lawrence approached Daniel – not on some sucka shit, but in a way that allowed him to get a better sense of what might’ve been going on, with enough reasonable doubt to question Issa.

If asked directly by your significant other if you slept with someone, should you come clean? – Yeah, at that point you owe it to them.  They either know the answer, suspect the answer, or have already made their own assumption, meaning they’re gonna treat you like it’s true anyway and the relationship is still fucked up.  Time for damage control.

I feel like there’s so much content – shows, movies, articles, think-pieces, etc. – about women coming of age and relationship stuff.  It’d be interesting to see this show from male POV’s.  A show with a group of guy friends in several situations – the married guy that sometimes questions that decision, the guy with a long-term lady that’s thinking about taking the next step, the single/career-driven/good guy on paper but not really guy, the narcissist, the guy that won’t let women get too close and the “good guy” struggling with/disillusioned with being good.  Following their stories, unpacking the what’s and why’s of their flaws and understanding the catalysts behind going from one life chapter to the next  and how they do it would be dope.

Molly is a ‘whole nother’ post…I’ve met some Molly’s.


One thought on “On Being “Insecure” and Shit

  1. I tend to stay in my own lane however I feel like I know or knew every character in this show at some point in life. It’s only season one looking forward to where Issa takes the show. It’s predictable the whole Issa Larwence relationship, Mollys POV, the girls crew. Excited about seeing the black male productive crew it’s a refreshing view I think we need to see more. I am waiting on the molly post before I dive into this conversation I dated her as well. Leon and Lovely you never disappoint.

    A Fan.

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