I knew at a very early age that I wanted locs, but my momma was not about that life. I started my locs at 19, and after almost 12 years, the time had come to bid them adieu. A few years ago, I wrote a piece for BlogHer about how growing locs helped me find my beauty, but at some point it seems that my locs began to define my beauty. Along with concerns about the weight of my locs, small areas of hair loss, and a desire to purge hair energy, the fact that my locs began to define my beauty, was the deciding factor in my decision to cut my locs off.
I’ve been thinking of cutting my locs and growing loose natural hair for over year, but I kept thinking, “What if I’m ugly without them?” Granted this thought still crossed my mind, as I completed the cutting and detangling process (and even now, a few days after), but I just can’t allow myself, my beauty, to be defined by my hair. Many times I’ve mentioned cutting my hair to others, and their faces said it all, even before their words. This often made me feel like, “Damn, is there something wrong with my face?” LOL! There shouldn’t be anything about that makes me question my beauty, and if there is, I need to do some evaluating, and that’s just what I did before finally deciding to go through with cutting my locs off.
I didn’t tell many people (even waiting until the last minute to tell Leon and my mom), because I didn’t want the opinions of others, the looks of shock, and the attempts to cover up facial expressions of disappointment, to sway my decision to cut my locs off. This was one of the hardest things I’d ever done! I was scared, nervous, and excited, all at once. I was afraid and nervous to see what I’d look like without locs, nervous about all that I have to learn about taking care of loose natural hair, a bit afraid of how others would respond to this decision, especially my friends and family, but also excited. I’m excited about having let go of the energy and past experiences that my hair carried for more than 11 years, and I’m excited about trying something new.
I’d be lying if I said the last week has been a breeze. I have shed a lot of tears, used a lot of curse words, avoided the mirror more than usual, and given myself a lot of pep talks. Getting used to seeing myself with short hair, after having long flowing locs, is beyond an adjustment, but with each day, I am feeling more and more like my confident self, and I am looking forward to what the future holds for my hair! My Pinterest “Hair” board used to be full of loc hair styles, but I’m looking forward to setting new #hairgoals. 🙂